On one of the autism lists that I am a member of, a person posted 12 steps for good parenting.
The topic of ABA and all that came up thanks to a video that was posted of a child undergoing ABA and only getting a five minute lunch break among other things.
The topic of ABA came up and the question was asked how ABA is harmful (one person on the list is pro-ABA and was aking for proof from con-ABA people).
One person suggested that perhaps autistic children are not really that different from NT children and positive parenting techniques may be helpful.
I read another poster's blog about ABA and it was mentioned that ABA is good for things that affect health, sanitation, etc. (Using ABA to keep kids from playing in a used but unflushed toilet - yes, I agree with that! Yuk!) Check out Griff's Grumbles and the posting called "The Fundamentasl Disconnect" http://griffs-grumbles.blogspot.com/2007/01/fundamental-disconnect.html
My parents raised me no different than my brother. The rukles were strict for both of us, we were part of the planning of those rules and I grew up like any other kid would...just a little different, of course.
To sum up the 12 points that were brought up about positive parenting (I do not have written permission to give the exact wording, so I've reworded them - the original post can be found here: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.support.autism/browse_thread/thread/4c3e5368e0174432/9820a7af6f9fe9bb):
1. Teach by example. Do what you would like to see your kids doing. Sounds reasonable.
2. Even when a child "misbehaves" assume that he or she is a good person who has done something against the rules. Understand that there may be an underlying cause to the behaviour.
3. Be positive when making rules or requests. Always have alternatives. I.e.: if the child is doing X behaviour, suggest trying Y instead. Keep the word "no" to a minimum. In management training, I took a course on Providing good feedback. If someone is new to the company, keep corrective feedback to just a few points so as not to overhwlm. Be positive and reinforce good work. Corrective measures should be done discreetly and with a positive slant. I believe children could benefit from this concept.
4. Explain it logically. Make sure the child is calm and is attentive. He doesn't need to make eye contact, but do ask if he is listening. Use a non-threatening tone (bland tone, no emotion) and explain why it's not a good idea to do whatever it is he's not supposed to be doing. With NT kids, it doesn't always work, but autistic kids may be more receptive and less likely to abuse this method. "Bobby, putting the cat in the bathtub full of water will scare him since cats don't like water. Cats will also fight back and scratch you, which will hurt a lot. That's why you shouldn't put Mr. Whiskers in the bath with you. " (I know...stupid example, but I did try taking the cat with me in the bath when I was 5 and learned that lesson the hard way)
5. Look for the underlying cause and set your priorities. Is ricking really such a bad thing and could there be a reason for it? Perhaps her stomach is bothering her or she is feeling overwhelmed? See if there's a reason before attempting to modify. Give the child choices of acceptable alternatives if there is no underlying problem.
6. Give warnings to transition. "You've got five minutes until you have to turn the TV off and get ready for bed." Give reasonable time to complete activities. If the child is building a model they may have to hold a piece on for 5 minutes for the glue to dry. You can try things like "When the glue dries on that wing in 5 minutes, it's time to stop and get ready to go to the store."
7. Time outs are good for both kids and adults. Anger is likely to cause an autistic child to shut down or freak out. Use time outs not as a punishment, but as "cool down time". Teach your child relaxation techniques such as counting to ten, walking away and taking some deep breaths, etc. Make sure you model the same behaviour when your anger is out of control!
8. Speak the truth - say it and mean it. Be consistent. Give one warning and then take action. All kids need to know where the proverbial "line" is and when they've crossed it...and what the consequences of crossing it are. Give time for the child to comply, but follow through. Promising threat or threatening promise, stay true to your word and your action. Kids need boundaries. Draw them well. I.e. "Johnny, you've got to the count of three to get out of that mud pussle and into the house before I come out there and bring you in myself. 1....2...." After awhile, you won't even be able to get to 3 before he comes running in.
9. Plan for the worst before it happens. There are going to be times when your child is going to melt down, blow up or have a problem. Anticipate it, warn the child and let him or her vent her feelings, etc. Accept them as valid and her feelings. Try and work through it together.
10. Keep your children in the loop. A household is not a dictatorship and kids are likely to follow rules if they help make them. Choose the rules and agree with what the consequences will be. A justice oriented autistic will probably respond really well to this one. If that child buys in because he's helping with the negotiations, you likely will never need to exact tjhe consequences since he'll either not break the rule or punish himself! (I was that way)
One of my favourite comics is called "Ozy and Millie". It's one of those anthropomorphic ones (animals who act like humans) and I usually don't like that style of comic. However, I love this one!
In one strip, Millie (who is a nonconformist, challenging but well meaning girl), gets a copy of the 'Household Constitution' from her mother, who is a lawyer. http://www.ozyandmillie.org/d/20060622.html
The constitution says "My authority is absolute. I am the Queen. I rule your fuzzy little butt".
11. Own up to your mistakes. If you want your child to own up to his mistakes, you need to own up to yours too. No double standards...especially not with an autistic child! Apologize if you screw up and make amends. Gracefully accept your child's apologies as well. Simple human courtesy, really.
12. Let your child have responsibility. Instead of calling them chores, call them the child's responsibility. If a child feels like he is contributing the household and he has respobsibilities, he's more likely to keep with it. My parents made the mistake of saying "This is our house and you're freeloading. You have to do this to pay your way." If they had said "we're all a team here and we all have to do our part since this house belongs to all of us.". they might have had an easier time getting me to do my part.
Anyway, just my ramblings for today.
