I find that it comes as a shock to most NT's that many autistics have this kind of underlying hostility towards them and they cannot figure out why. It's kind of funny when you think about it.
You see, so many NT's and professionals think autistics have a problem with theory of mind: recognizing that other people have feelings, etc. I'm not saying that all autistics do have a grasp on this, since many have problems with this.
I have to constantly remind myself that "other people have feelings too" and "How would I like it if someone did that to me?". Yep...this is something I have to consciously do.
When I was a kid, I used to look at other people like moving, talking things. I saw nothing in their eyes,...they looked dead to me...but still walking and talking. (Hard to explain) All I could feel were emotions coming from them (usually hatred).
When I finally taught myself to look at someone's eyes and body language (that took a very long time), I began to see so much more. People are not dead automatons. Their eyes and facial expressions tell so much and they correlated with the emotions I was feeling.
You know, I think learning to read books was easier for me... I learned to read at 3...it's taken me over 25 years to learn about emotions and body language as they emanate from NT's.
Even harder still is talking to other autistics! I keep having to revert back to my natural way of speaking, otherwise they get offended or confused because I'm talking like a NT.
*sigh* I just can't win.
Well, I find the same goes for most NT's. They don't seem to think that autistics have feelings, dreams and intelligence as well. Often, we are seen as walking automatons who are normal people that are seemingly "dead" or "trapped" and need to be brought out.
Autistics may not be recognizing all of the feelings and signals NT's are emitting, but I find NT's just as incapable of doing the same for autistics. I cannot begin to count how many times someone has misinterpreted my signals, feelings and such!
When I talk to some people, I keep thinking "We're both speaking English here...what is it you're not getting? What am I not saying right?"
A mother said on a mailing list: "Finally, I stopped being hung up on the label and started getting to know my {child] who who [my child] is."
That is something so many people forget. Each autistic is different, each has different needs and different issues and different ways to deal with said issues.
They're so busy feeling sorry for themselves as parents of autistic children, that they tend to forget that it can suck just as much, if not more, to *be* the autistic child to whom no one gives any credence!
It was not fun for me to be a child any more than it was for my parents to raise me. I feel bad for them, but they chose to have me.
I didn't ask to be born the way I was.
I could see it now (warning" Sarcasm alert):
"Yes, I would like to be born with a developmental disability that will make my life and the lives of those around me a big pain in the butt. I want to have all sorts of problems with my body and nervous system and I'd like for people to constantly misunderstand me, write me off and think I'm something that I'm not. I'd like to have problems learning certain things and I want to always be on edge.
"I'd like to feel sick all the time and not be able to express what I'm feeling so I'll never get treated properly and people can think I'm just a hypochondriac.
"I'd like to have less of a chance of succeeding in life than the next guy...oh yes, can you make me female as well just so I can *really* experience that whole Glass Ceiling effect from both the autistic and female perspective? That would just be awesome!
"I want to really have poor chances of getting anywhere in life cuz I'm just a sado-masochist at heart!
I also want every one else around me to feel like crap too cuz I'm also an insensitive clod...what? Insensitivity comes as part of the Autism Deluxe Package Deal?? Whoo hoo! Score!
"Where do I sign up?"
Ok...sarcasm has passed. Sorry 'bout that...just a little burst of anger and frustration.
They could have gotten rid of me, put me up for adoption, etc. But they didn't. They chose to keep and raise me. They accepted their responsibility as parents and I am very grateful for that.
I am also even more grateful for the fact that I got far enough ahead in life that I can now look after them as they age.
Kids, even autistic ones, can usually perceive some sort of negativity towards them and it helps no one in the end. The kid grows up feeling inadequate, defective and unable to do anything, while the parents have to deal with supporting their children even more.
Yeah, I know..."try being the parent". (See, there goes the theory of mind prompting again...)
I'll never be a parent, but I've grown up with the stigma, negative press and all that which is out there about autism. I've spent my life proving that I am not the worst case scenario that seems to get shown in the brochures, websites, blogs, movies and TV.
Who's going to hire someone who has that "epidemic" that is just a "devastating" and "tragic" bloe to families?
Why not just stamp "sociopath" on my forehead?
I'd probably have more a running chance of getting a job with &that* label than I do being an honest, hardworking autistic person!
Look at most CEO's and such out there - most of them fit the psychological profile of a sociopath and they're at the top of the work food chain! (Sociopath does not always equal serial killer, by the way. Sociopaths just have no conscience and get what they want ruthlessly.)
I've spent my whole life fighting to be heard, to be accepted and to be allowed to make my own way in the world without people thinking I'm incapable of this or that. I know how hard it was to raise *myself*.
If I had an autistic child who had to go through what I have, I'd be going postal on someone's butt at least twice a day...which would be very bad. I wouldn't want my kid to live through what I have...and I've done really well! I'd hate to see any child go through what a lot of other autistic people have to go through. I was lucky!
Theory of mind works *both* ways, it seems. Just as communication does.
