One day, while I was at the bookstore and fuming over yet another pity-party article about how devastating autism is to parents, I picked up a book called "A Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children with Autism: Stories of Hope and Everyday Success", Edited by Colleen Sell, with forwards by Doug and Laurie Flutie. (Interestingly, another football player with an autistic child, who has taken more positive strides)
I flipped through it excpecting to be bombarded with stories of how defective, tragic and devastating these parents feel their children are, since this is how parents are normally portrayed in the media.
How pleasantly surprised I was when I saw that this was not the case at all!
I will tell you a bit about what I saw: One mother talked in a manner very similar to many parents when it came to her son's diagnosis. One thing she did say right of the bat was something to the tune of "I did not cry. As my son's new advocate, crying was not an option."
Later on in her article, she mentioned talking to some people who say something to the effect of someone else they know whose child has 'something wrong with them'.
It is there she asked herself "Have I been projecting that there is something wrong with my son?" At one point she even resolved to "stop trying to fix" her son. Amazingly, things got easier for her and her son after that!
Another mother told a touching story about how she used to sing her son to sleep as a baby. (She had sung professionally at one time) When he became a toddler, he'd cry and cry when she sang. As he grew older, the result was the same - he'd cry his eyes out.
Was it sensory problems? Did music bother him?
As the boy hit the pre-teen years, he loved his music and loved it *loud*! So, what was the problem with her singing....was she that bad??
She finally sat him down and asked him to take all the time he needed to tell her why he cried when she sang. After a few minutes he said "Because it is too beautiful, Mom."
I just about cried when I read that one because I will also cry when I hear a beautiful singing voice! Back in 1994, I saw Loreena McKennitt perform live and I bawled my eyes out because her voice is so beautiful.
A hilarious story is told by a mother about an Aspie and his love for the forbidden words - you know 'em...the F word and such - and how he could find a lot of words to rhyme with them! The story was about his particular interest in learning the meaning of the word "whore". There's an adventure for a parent to embark upon!
Flipping more through the pages, I read the story of a mother whose son was obsessed with snakes. She learned that if she wanted to communicate with him, she had to do it on the "snake level", meaning it had to have something to do with snakes. I was moved by the end of the article where she tucked her son into be one night and he said "Mommy, I love you more than snakes".
A father spun a tale of his adult, rap music loving son and some friends who decided to take a field trip to Hooters. He told about how well behaved they were with the waitresses and how the waitresses were charmed by these young adults on the Spectrum.
Reading the book, I was just ecstatic! (I almost flapped my hands with glee before stopping myself because I was in a public place)
None of the parents in the book hid the basic facts and challenges of raising their autistic children. No details were spared that would hide the fact that life can be difficult. Cleaning up "messes", talking about snakes, dealing with kids in the playground and school officials...it was all there.
What I liked was that all of these parents found success in adopting a positive attitude and learning to accept and work with their children on their own level. They found ways to connect with their children and found that their bonds became stronger when they stopped trying to "fix" their kids and learned to accept them and work with them on their own level.
Sure, there were problems, sure it was no picnic, but these parents realized that by looking at their child as a problem, they were only making it worse. By seeing their child as a human being, these parents were learning to communicate, interact and have a good time with their children. They were learning how to help their child develop a sense of worth, self-esteem, which will later translate into personal success and more independence for those children.
OK, perhaps not complete independence, but is personal happiness is still an option, right?
Also, there is a lot of hope for parents in there as well as a chance for us to see where parents are coming from.
I recommend this book as a fun, enlightening, comforting and amazing read!
