I was directed to a website that had a link to About.com's article "Top Ten Terrific Traits of Autistic People" (http://autism.about.com/od/inspirationideas/tp/besttraits.htm)
What a positive article, which looks at some of the positives, rather than the negatives, and it got me thinking "What are my 'Terrific Traits' as an autistic person?"
The first part includes my list of the pros and cons of being autistic (or "What doesn’t suck" and "What sucks").
Here is my list, based on my own experience and situation:
1. Heightened pain threshold - I do not feel external pain in the conventional way. If I get cut, I feel the cut happening, but not a lot of pain, if I bump into something, I feel the bump, burns feel hot, but don't hurt too much.
I had a tooth pulled in early February and it involved a lot of cutting of the gum, breaking the tooth into three pieces and pulling out each mangled piece one by one because the roots were played and in pretty good. The dentist had frozen my mouth up pretty good, so I didn't feel anything at the time. He wanted to prescribe narcotics for the pain that I was surely going to be feeling.
"I cannot take those things" I said. (I'm allergic to caffeine, which they put in almost all really good pain meds these days. Heightened stomach acid makes taking non-caffeinated heavy-duty pain killers impossible as well.)
"How will you handle the pain?" He asked, calling me a difficult person to treat and saying he was really worried that I’d be in a lot of pain.
"I'll manage." I said and went back to work.
I worked for a few hours and the freezing wore off. There was some discomfort that usually comes with tissue that's just been hacked and slashed, but not a lot of pain. I took an Extra Strength Tylenol just in case.
Throughout the next few days, my mangled gum was throbbing (not hurting, just throbbing) and it felt a little irritated, like someone had rubbed it raw or I had burned it a few hours ago. I used OraGel to dull the annoying throbbing and took my Extra Strength Tylenol just in case it should hurt.
Two days later, the dentist called me. How was I doing?
"I'm ok." I said.
"How was the pain?"
"Neh... it wasn't that bad. Oragel pretty much handled that."
He said that I must be an iron lady because most of his patients would be in agony if they had the same procedure. Well, most of his patients are NT’s with normal pain tolerance (some with lower pain tolerance).
I just have a higher tolerance to pain than most folks. When you're sensitive to anything stronger than Extra Strength Tylenol, you learn to deal with pain. I have a certain numbed down sense of external pain, which has been quite helpful thusfar.
2. Heightened ability to focus - When I need to focus on something and "be in the moment", I can be. Almost to a fault. I can sit and instantly be aware of everything around me that most people would not notice. It can be a mixed blessing.
3. Ability to instantly hit "Alpha State" - Yogis, Buddhists and other people who meditate frequently, take many, many years of practice and steady training to learn to hit that coveted "Alpha State".
When I first started meditating as part of my spiritual beliefs and practice, I thought I had to see all these scenes in my mind or something (Just for the record, I do *NOT* think in pictures like Temple Grandin does).
I was very frustrated until someone told me what the "Alpha State" was. It's that state when you are deeply relaxed, "in the moment"...almost like that comfy state you get into just before falling asleep. It opens your mind and soul to more clear thought and relaxes the body too.
Pema Chodron, a Buddhist Nun in Nova Scotia who writes a lot of my favourite books, mentioned in one of her books that you can meditate with your eyes open, gazing absently about 6 feet ahead and "spacing out". Another Zen Buddhist said meditating is just “sitting” and being.
"Oh *that's* what it is!" I said to myself. "Oh, well...I've been able to do that for years." Here I had been getting myself all worked up because I could not do a visual meditation when I could meditate just fine all along!
Yep, that infamous "Autistic Spaceout" that people complain so much about is that blessed Alpha State for me and maybe for others too. I've been doing it since I was two and I did not have to go for Yogi training to do it. It's so natural.
Reports from my childhood records state that, at times, I would stare down and ahead with a blank stare and would not really respond to people. After a few seconds or minutes, I could be shaken out of it and I'd be all pale and freaked out. It felt a lot like when someone suddenly wakes you up from a deep sleep and you're all discombobulated and panicked.
They speculated that I was having seizures. What they did not know is that I do this consciously to take a quick “vacation” from my sensory issues.
I just stare ahead, get into the moment, and I'm instantly there - blissed out in Alpha State City! I feel nothing, my thoughts are not racing like mad, I don’t really hear anything and I am just comfy and happy for a few precious moments.
I used to think it was wrong for me to do it because they kept telling me not to. I grew up thinking I was not allowed to relax. When I moved out on my own and tried to relax after work, I’d have a panic attack because I thought I had to be doing something constructive all the time! (thanks, ABA…)
I then had to train myself to relax and to accept my ability to space out as a valuable thing! How sad is that??
How many NT’s can do that without trying with no prior training?
4. Ability to learn complex things thoroughly and efficiently - If interest is there, you'd be amazed out how fast I can learn something. I have taught myself second languages, programming languages, psychology (but I'm going to University for it starting in July), drawing, singing, writing, sewing, cooking, etc. in a matter of days.
My teacher in college was amazed at how fast I picked things up because I was truly interested in the course (Medical Assisting) . I never did homework, I didn't need to try...I just sucked it all in due to my interest and graduated with a 99% average. How many NT's can get those kinds of grades from not trying? (Mum asked me if I had spelled my name wrong or something as a joke since it was not a full 100%)
5. Amazing talents - Some folks might think I am speaking of "Savant skills". I'm not sure if my ability to sing, dance, draw, write, etc. are savant skills or just things I've grown to do well because I like to do them and I learn quickly. Regardless, I've been told I'm very good at the things I do.
6. Ability to see things from a logical point of view, rather than emotional - Helpful in times of stress, the logical approach would be ...well... logical.
I used to work a night security job at a large building and I got to deal with my fair share of emergencies, such as the scare on September 11, 2001, kids disappearing, people being injured, people breaking the law and needing to be arrested, etc.
One very cold Winter night, a panicked daycare worker and a man came to my desk where I was and started going on about how she was with this child and when she turned around, the little girl had vanished! I called down two other officers (both NT) and told them to start looking for the child. They began panicking as well and then arguing with each other. At one point I had to tell them to just do their jobs. I calmly took the child's description and called the police.
Turns out the little girl had wandered off outside, got picked up by a person in the office tower across the street who called the police in case anyone should call the police looking for her. Within minutes, child and daycare worker and the man, who was the girl's father, were reunited. No one was hurt and less time was wasted.
Another little child went missing one day, and the hysterical mother came running up to the desk in a panic. I asked where she last saw him and she said near the elevators on a higher floor.
I had the control office lock off all of the elevators and force them down to the main floor. We stood by the elevator bank the child would have been in, and lo and behold...little Johnny happily bounded out of one of the elevators and was reunited with a now very thankful mother. Turns out he was playing in the elevators.
7. Appreciation for silence and solitude - I have a NT friend who is staying at my house this week. She told me that she fears being alone in her own apartment.
They use solitary confinement as a punishment for prisoners - it's a real blow for a NT to be removed from the company of others, I guess. (I'll not mention what can go on in there)
For me, I like alone time. As a kid, I would hide in closets and such because they were dark, confining and *my* little non-sensory hideaway. I could hide, space out and relax, knowing full well that it might take someone awhile to find me. I was buying alone time. How sad is that that I had to hide to get some time to myself? Eventually my parents “got it” and just let me go into my room and do my thing without insisting I “do” something. They let me have my sanctuary.
8. Ability to emotionally "distance" myself from unpleasant situations yet still care as deeply as if I was attached - I worked in home care for about 7 years, and I saw a lot of people in some bad situations. Some were dying, others were in pain, others were senile and others were paralyzed. Most health care workers are empathetic at first, but then develop the "hard shell" because they'd go crazy if they didn't.
After seeing hard luck cases all day, every day for 7 years, how would you be? Some NT's crack and have to see counselors, others get "hard".
I do not get emotionally attached, but can still care with the same quality as the most compassionate of workers. I can empathize (yes, for those folks who think I have no empathy because I’m autistic...I do. I just don't express it or get emotionally attached like you do), I can absolutely feel what others must be going through, I have been told by many that I am compassionate and empathetic....but I can detach. A rare trait, apparently.
9. A sense of justice – This can be both a blessing and a curse. For my parents, once they figured me out, this was a blessing for them. If a rule was instituted and I understood it, then I followed it…to the letter, no exceptions. Unlike most NT kids, I did not see the need to “test” or “bend” the rule. What was the point? It was instituted, it made logical sense and therefore it must be followed. No sense bringing undue attention or trouble to myself.
However, I was no blind follower of every rule instated. It had to make sense and there had to be a benefit. If something seemed unjust, I’d fight it for I have a very strong will.
My parents could tell right away of I had actually done something I was being accused of or not…just from my reaction:
If was accused of something that I had done, I’d apologize, resign myself, go to my room and devise my own punishment, which I would then enact (most times my parents thought my punishments for myself were too harsh, but I’d do them anyway). I would do what I could to make amends or ask how I could make the situation right and then do it.
How many NT kids would so readily admit fault and make restitution?? Many need to be punished or coerced.
Now, if I was accused of something I had not done, I’d get pretty darned belligerent and fight it tooth and nail, as well as work on finding proof if that was needed! God help anyone who wrongfully accused me of anything! (God help anyone still who would accuse me falsely.)
I am a good person to have on one’s side if I believe in the cause. I’m always open to suggestions, but when I’ve bought into something, I’ve bought in 100%!
10. An even view of people – The Pope, the Queen, my boss, the guy down the street, the homeless person, the CEO of my company, etc….they’re all the same to me. They’re people with the same base characteristics as every other human being and as such deserve the same amount of respect.
Those with fancy titles and such may not like the fact that I am not kissing ass like everyone else. I kiss no one’s ass. What’s the point? Take away the title, birthright, education, money, clothing, etc…and you’ve got a naked, vulnerable person who is just like everyone else. When I look in a person’s eyes, I see the animal that a person really is. We may think we’re higher on the food chain, but we are all the same…we’ve just developed a hierarchy, not unlike many animals…perhaps more sophisticated.
That does not mean I disrespect everyone right off the bat. Quite the opposite, actually!
Everyone gets my utmost respect until they do something to lose it. I do not discriminate by age, race, sex, creed, social status or level of ability.
I do, however, discriminate against the uncouth and stupid people quite shamelessly.
I do not care about first impressions – I personally think they are a crock. Not everyone is at their best when I meet them. Folks may be having a bad day or something and I’ll give them that. I know I have my off days and I would hope folks would give me the benefit of the doubt. (They don’t, however, and I see that as their loss)
I do have a 3 strike system for anything, good or bad, however:
Once is just once and can be forgotten or chalked up to a one-off event
Twice is a coincidence and should be remembered
Three times or more is a conspiracy and must be acted upon.
So…if someone’s proven themselves to be an ass per my 3 strike rule, they’re an ass and they’ve lost any respect I might have given them. Simple as that.
If I decide, after much thought and consideration of their actions, my own actions and the 3 strike rule, that I don’t like someone, I’ll not give them the time of day. I do not go out for petty revenge. I’ll seethe inside, I’ll say my piece so they know where they stand with me, but I’ll leave them be. I do not fight unless provoked…and even then I have to be provoked for a long time.
All people are equal in my opinion. I discriminate against human action and attitude only.
11. Nearly Photographic Memory – I’ve got a mind like a computer and can memorize what I feel to be important in no time at all. This was handy when I worked in the medical profession. After a few months, I knew highlights from almost every patient’s profile in their files. I remember a nurse at a large clinic asking me if I remembered a fellow who came in 6 months prior with a problem with his hand. I whipped out the file and she was amazed.
When I worked security during G8 in 2002, there was word going around that a terrorist was wanting to know about our skywalk system for possible nefarious purposes. I remembered the description and the guy came up to my desk. After chatting him up (he thought I was a receptionist) for about 10 minutes and having a look at his ID, I had his entire person memorized – his appearance, his face, his clothes, his address, phone number and name. He cheerfully walked off after we chatted and I drew a composite sketch with all of the information I had gathered and sent it to my boss. The police were quite grateful when he was captured a few hours later.
Being autistic, I’ve had to be able to know what is going around me at all times as a defense mechanism. Part of that heightened awareness is knowing about everyone who is around me. Could they be dangerous? I may not take conscious notice of a person, but if I need to, I can recall distinct details in a flash!
12. I have no interest in politics or head games – The bane of almost every NT situation, whether it be a workplace, spiritual setting or social setting; head games and politics seem to be a big part of it. It may come in the form of rumour-mongering, backstabbing or telling false tales to get other people to go against another person.
The reasons differ from people wanting others to take sides to jealous people trying to bring someone down so they can get their coveted status.
Why is that? I personally do not see any practical need for this type of behaviour. It accomplishes nothing, hurts people and makes people look like asses, quite frankly.
If this is the kind of crap that indicates normality, then I shall be happy to remain “abnormal”, thanks. I have no time, patience or energy to be wasting on such blatant disregard for others. To think that the goal of most of these autism therapies is to have children emulating the types of things that go on with NT’s and then growing up to be “just like them”!
“Status quo” does not always equal “correct behaviour”.
13. Integrity – Like my view on equality, I’m not lowering my standards just to “fit in” like I see so many other people do every day. I know what I want in life and what I have to do to get it. At the end of the day, I want to know that my merit and not my less-than-keen ability to kiss ass to the wrong types of people has gotten me into a position of success.
If someone wants to know what I think, they can simply ask. I’ll tell them. If they don’t want to know what I honestly think, they probably should not ask.
Many people like to put on an air of mystique about them. I do not. I am who I am and if someone wants to know, I’ll gladly reveal what it is they want to know. I know when to keep my mouth shut, but I’m not afraid to open it if I feel something is not right.
These are the cons of autism for me since there always have to be cons!
1. Messed up senses - Sure I can tolerate pain, but I cannot tolerate certain foods. What’s even more annoying is that my body likes to frequently change its mind about which foods are going to be tolerated! I can eat the same foods for years and then suddenly feel sick every time I eat them. Then a few years later, I can eat them but not something else. What a pain!
Certain sounds are too loud, certain smells just make me gag and almost every article of clothing I wear itches like no tomorrow. Certain lights give me a headache – particularly flickering fluorescent ones.
2. Misinterpretation of my actions or intent – “That’s not what I meant” is a phrase I often find myself uttering because I have confused someone with what I’ve said or done. Sometimes I speak so plainly or do things so freely that people think I must be “up to something”. I assure you, I’m not. I’m just doing what I’m doing with no back-end motive in place.
My performance review at work last year was very good. I was able to attain the bottom line yet be compassionate, something NT’s find very hard to balance. I was helpful, logical, empathetic and easy to get along with. However, people were confused by my actions because of some dishonest people.
I asked a question at a meeting once, about why someone new to the team was allowed to conduct interviews. I felt it was a valid one and I was curious. It got back to my boss that I was being difficult and questioning authority. I was only curious and didn’t really give a flying fig who did the interviews. It just did not make logical sense to me. This almost got me fired.
I explained this to my boss and told her “I really am not good at playing office politics. I’m here to do my job, not play the deception game. I really have no intent to sabotage anyone, play politics or screw anyone around. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
I often wonder how many NT’s can live with themselves if they are lying, sabotaging and cheating to keep a job or get ahead in life. Where is the honour in that? How is destroying others making them better people? I was always taught to ask how I would feel if I did something hurtful to others because NT’s are supposed to have this “theory of mind” which allows them to put themselves in someone else’s place.
My experience with many NT’s is that they really are not all that gifted with theory of mind either. They don’t know how I feel. They don’t seem to know how the people they’re screwing over must feel either.
Perhaps some ABA might fix that for them…
Anyway…my boss listened to my side of the story and we figured out that someone else in the department was trying to set me up because I was in line for a promotion. For the love of Pete… what a pile of nonsense!
She took it to the other person’s boss and I got written apologies from all involved.
What a freakin’ mess! All that stress over one insecure and deceptive NT using my honest actions to show others that I must be “up to something”. I’m pretty honest and perhaps brutally so, but what I say I mean!
Another time was in Toastmasters. I was running a speech event and had asked some folks to volunteer. One person did volunteer for a large role but never showed up until halfway through. I asked what happened and he said that he hadn’t heard from me to confirm so I must have asked someone else to do it.
“Why would I do that if you said you’d do it? I just assume that you’ll be here if you say you will and I’ll just keep thinking that until you tell me otherwise. I didn’t think I needed to remind you of a duty you volunteered for.”
We both got a good laugh and he said “Ah…I need to remember that when you say something, you really mean it!”
I never make idle treats or promises. When I say I’m going to do it, I will. I expect no less from others and am frequently disappointed.
Perhaps I need to stop being so idealistic.
3. That whole “Eye Contact” thing – When a NT averts his eyes, he’s usually guilty, up to something, lying or doing something equally unpleasant. People who avert their gaze, then, are not to be trusted and we autistics are taught that avoiding eye contact is bad and we must not do it.
The problem is that if I look at someone’s eyes, I’m missing what they say. I need to focus my hearing and not my eyes.
The eyes are the windows to the soul and there is a lot of emotion and things you can get from people’s eyes. One can almost psychoanalyze someone by watching their eyes since the eyes deliver very powerful messages. I often get drawn in and then tune out what they’re saying because I’m too busy learning more about them via their eyes.
For example:
Eyes can show signs of health issues - particularly with diabetics, smokers and people with neurological problems
Eyes show what a person is going to do next - watch where someone’s eyes go to know where they are going to strike or if they are thinking. They tend to look in the direction of a strike. Very helpful in self defense situations!
Eyes can show if someone is lying - NT’s avert their gaze to the left most times. Some look down in shame, some look up for guidance.
Eyes show if a person is stressed out - look at pupil size compared to light in the area and how fast the eyes are moving. Large pupils can show stress since the eyes are trying to get as much light as possible.
Eyes show if a person is thinking hard about something – Eyes tend to flutter a bit while gaze is drawn up or down
Eyes show emotion – Large pupils can indicate anger or fear if one is not in the dark. The body’s defense system is enlarging the pupil to allow more light when the person feels threatened or ready to attack. Obvious emotions like happiness or sadness can also be seen in the eyes.
As you can see, there is a lot of input that comes in from looking at someone’s eyes! Sometimes their emotions are unbearable, sometimes I just feel like my space is being invaded. I’ve found that when talking to one of my Aspie friends about problems and such, we sit side by side on the couch, glancing up at each other once in awhile. It’s far easier to listen to a stressful story (or tell one) when not having look at eyes.
However, if I am looking someone in the eye, people should be worried. I’m either angry/threatened and am using their eyes to predict their next movement or I really, really want something and I am watching to see what the person is thinking.
If you really insist I look you in the eye, that is fine…just don’t expect me to actually retain anything you are saying. I cannot listen and look into your eyes at the same time. No amount of behavioural “therapy” is going to change that. Sorry.
4. Being able to feel other people’s emotions too much – NT’s do a lot with emotion. They communicate, experience and live via their emotions. They also project emotions outward quite effectively. Through their eyes (see above), actions and just their very being. People radiate emotions like flames radiate heat and light. This can be very detrimental to someone who may have knowledge of emotions and wishes to use them against another.
Something very interesting that I’ve found is that, even if I cannot see or hear a person, I can “feel” them. (Usually, I can smell them too…ick. Darn my oversensitive nose!)
High emotions such as fear, anger, sadness and even happiness can hit me like a Mac truck from a large distance. That just frazzles my entire sensory system and I find myself having to deal with “experiencing” someone else’s very high emotion when I do not want to.
Here’s something weird but true: As a teenager and into my 20’s, I liked to go to protests or happy events with large crowds of excited people so I could feel the little “rush” or “high” I’d get when I just gave in to the “feel” of the place. I didn’t need drugs…a crowd of emotional NT’s were good enough for me!
Now, I find it hard to sit through such things because the onslaught of emotions in such places is just too much. Funerals are very hard for me. I’m feeling sad for the loss enough on my own without having to feel the weight of 100 people mourning!
With death, I have a very positive outlook – it happens to us all, it’s just the end of this lifecycle and the beginning of something else. (I often feel a little jealous because that person is going to see what’s after this life!) I must be like some Irish families that see death as the birth of a soul in the Otherworld so I’m happy, while a birth is the death of someone in the Otherworld, so I feel a little sad.
At a funeral, I’m not feeling overwhelming sadness of my own….I’m feeling everyone else’s! Weddings are also very hard to sit through. Too many happy or weepy people.
Interestingly enough: Most people cannot sense me around them because I do not project emotions the way they do. I always saw projecting my emotions as a weakness and learned to keep them inside (I find that some folks like to use emotions against others, which is why I hide mine).
I’ve had people almost walk right into me or nearly jump out of their skin because they didn’t “notice me there”. Am I able to become invisible or are people prone to using their extra “feeling” as well as sight and physical senses to sense someone’s presence? I doubt I’m making myself invisible, so maybe there’s more to human interaction that just “body language” and verbal communication!
As a child, if someone was talking to me with any emotion, I’d freak out. If I was in trouble, the best bet would be to talk to me in a low, quiet voice with logic rather than emotion. If something needed correcting, this was the best way.
Yelling and screaming at me, usually just resulted in me shutting down, spacing out, fleeing or stimming if I could not just escape. People who are overly happy around me find me backing away slowly as well.
I remember a mother mentioning how frustrating it is when her autistic child smiles when she’s angry with him.
Primates, which we humans are classified as, bare their teeth when threatened. It can look like a smile, particularly when we instinctively know that smiles are generally well received when under threat – we use smiling to endear ourselves…and if needed, have our teeth bared and ready for action! A nice little bit of evolution in the human self-defense systems.
Autistic people, having spent much of their developing years (0 – 5 years of age) feeling “threatened” somehow (even if it is just in their own perception), have wired themselves to be on the defense all the time. It’s hard to shake.
They know what they have to do to get people to leave them alone. Most know that smiling and hugging might diffuse an angry parent. They may not be hugging out of love because it’s only one way. They’re doing to shut you up or diffuse the situation.
I’ve always said autistic people are like cats. Perhaps that’s why I like cats? They’re quiet, aware, mysterious and when they are nice to me, I know they love me. There are no guessing games with a cat!
If a cat does not like you, you know it. If cats do like you, they are incredibly affectionate and loving, and you feel very privileged. Dogs just supplicate and give in to your authority and you’re not really sure if they really like you. You’re just the alpha and they have to obety.
I’d rather an autistic child hug me because he really wants to…not because he is just “submitting” to my authority. I’d really like to see people stop trying to force autistic people into these “normal” patterns of behaviour which are not genuine. Lying is not helpful and neither is deceptiveness.
They may exhibit many of the “behaviours” that torture victims and prisoners of war do: rocking, repetitive motions, self-injury, withdrawal, silence, spacing out, etc. April 2007’s Oprah Magazine has an article written by Martha Beck called “The Panic Button”. It’s about natural reactions to stress and how we humans try to suppress it.
Martha beck quotes Peter Levine, PhD (Author of “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma”) in the article. He says that people who have physical emergency reactions often cope better with crisis, and show fewer symptoms of trauma afterwards, than people who hold till and try to make like everything is just ok.
“Stress compels action.” Martha Beck says. “In SNAFU situations, Mother Nature gives just one instruction to her children: “MOVE!”
Mother Nature tells all humans to “move!” when stressed out. Most people defy that and try to put on the “strong” act. This is against nature, if this is the case, and behavioural therapists spend many hours trying to tell autistic kids to stop “moving”. Why are they teaching children to act against nature? Because NT’s do it and we must “do as the Romans do, when in Rome”.
One fellow wrote an excellent comment on another mailing list I’m on. “When was it against the law to have certain body movements?”
OK, flipping off a cop is probably not a good idea and could land you in a lot of trouble.
But what’s wrong with a little hand flapping if it’s not hurting anyone? So it’s weird…get over it. Don’t try to make me like you to ease your ego or your sense of what’s right, wrong or “normal”. I flap when I’m not around situations that are important to me anyway.
Ever stop to think that an autistic person may be “moving” for a reason? Remember, perception is different and what may seem like nothing to you, may be a SNAFU, FUBAR or really nasty situation for an autistic.
“Perception is everything” is my mantra. Autistics and NT’s are often perceiving things in completely different ways, hence why they cannot understand each other!
Almost every autistic person can tell every little thing that’s going on around them. People who live in prolonged high stress situations are very aware of their surroundings so that they can escape, or fight if need be with as much prep time as possible. It’s natural, instinctive and part of the built in protection system Mother Nature gives us all.
Ok...so emotions have taken up a large part of this one, so I’ll move on to the next item.
5. The Stigma – This has nothing to do with the autistic person and everything to do with the supposedly knowledgable NT world that thinks they know better because they are the status quo.
Out of all the things that autism brings to a person, I’d say this is one of the worst! What makes it worse is that the autistic person has no control over it!
Thanks to the media, the societies whining to get money from the bleeding hearts and the people who think they’ve got it worse than everyone else because their kid is autistic, I now have to work harder, pretend more and do something I totally abhor – hide who I am in order to get ahead in the world! That is why my full name and details are not published here. I want the word out, but I feel that I cannot risk putting my name out there because of what I hope to do in my life.
I have made the choice, like many other people, to take my pros and cons, live with them and accept them.
This stigma that autism equals retarded (yeah, I’m using the dreaded R word) or that autism equals unemployable or autism equals stupid really burns my chances of doing what I want in life.
I want to continue doing well in my career, I want a management position, and I’m darn close to getting there! Through my training with Toastmasters, work and in University, I am gaining the skills needed to do that.
Now, what’s going to happen if someone finds out I’m autistic?
Well, they’ll likely get it in their head that I’m Rain Man or that kid in “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night” and think I’m some sort of retard who wouldn’t be able to handle it!
I was on the news back in March of 2003 and my dad just about blew a gasket. “Do people know about your ‘condition’ at work?” he asked.
“No.” I said. The news piece was on at midnight and most folks at work would have been asleep. He proceeded to tell me that all I had worked so hard for would be for nothing now that people knew.
I hadn’t thought about it since everyone made it out to be so “miraculous” how normal I was (how normal I can pretend to be). Thinking about it, it made sense. I was not happy when I found my face plastered on the front of the newspaper as part of a follow up story. (I was told it would be stuck in the health and lifestyle section that no one really reads)
Fortunately, most of my co-workers had no idea what Asperger’s Syndrome was, so I focused on it being a neurological difference with affects my physical sensory perception…which is exactly what it is for me. I explained how certain sounds, smells and foods can adversely affect me because of my heightened sensitivity.
Over time, I was on the news again because an 18 year old Aspie had shot and killed a bartender one night. I was explaining about sensory differences and the associated stigma that comes with ASD.
A fellow at work came up to me shortly after and said “Hey, you have Asperger’s…are you capable of killing us all one day?” I wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not, but I told him that many of us are pretty mindful of the law and that violent behaviours like that needs to be really provoked. Being justice oriented, I know that antisocial behaviour is not only wrong, but would jeopardize everything I work toward.
“I’ve worked too hard in my life to throw it all away with stupid actions.”
I’ve worked too hard in my life to have this sort of stigma preventing me from doing what I want to do in my life.
I own a house, I drive a car, I make more money than my husband does, I go to university and one day I’m going to be a professional doing my part to change that stigma and start turning the focus of ASD “treatment” toward what is actually needed, not what has been the conventional belief for the last 60 years.
In my opinion: Perceptions need to change. Attitudes need to change.
The folks who get on us so much about our being “resistant to change” or being “mindblind” are going to have to change these things for themselves if they ever hope to do any good for those of us on the spectrum today and in the future... for the good of us all.
I’m really lucky to be who I am and have the integrity, knowledge, abilities, strong will and skills that I do. They’ve served me well in life.
It is a shame that not everyone can be taught to embrace their gifts and help themselves through their challenges.
I’m not denying the fact that we have challenges – far from it! I’m advocating that we start taking a positive approach and teaching people to accept and empower themselves – quirks and all!
That is why I really liked this article about the 10 terrific traits.
